Dear Professor Blackstone
My name is Muhammad Syahmi and I am writing to provide you a
greater understanding of myself. I am currently a first-year undergraduate of Civil
Engineering (CVE) at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT).
I was a student of Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP), pursuing a
diploma in nanotechnology and materials science, specialising in materials for
sustainable technology. During the course of my diploma, I had the opportunity be
an intern at the Agency for Science, Technology and Research Singapore, working
on materials research. I loved doing research, but it was not the right fit.
Instead, I knew I had to join a career that I could contribute directly to an
industry.
When deciding on this new career path, it daunted on me that
I had studied several applications of materials in the area of buildings and
bridges. With my knowledge of materials, I was determined to use this knowledge
to enrich the built environment industry one day.
What I tend to excel in is my ability to be outspoken. I
have no issues in taking the initiative and being the first to speak up. As
many would have noticed, I would be the first to ask a question, with the
mindset that others may have the same question.
On the other hand, an area at which I could improve on is my
ability to listen. Communication is a two-way street, and listening to others
does not come as simple to me as speaking publicly. Due to my proactive
personality, I tend to prefer having my ideas heard.
Through this module, I hope to learn how to bring my point
across more efficiently regardless by written or spoken communication and to improve
on my ability to listen when it comes to group projects.
Best regards
Muhammad Syahmi
CVE1281 | T5
Commented on Iskandar's and Abdul's blog
Commented on Iskandar's and Abdul's blog
Dear Muhammad Syahmi,
ReplyDeleteI would like to start off with complimenting you on this enriching letter you wrote. I found this letter to be descriptive and easy to understand.
On a side note, I have also found some areas where you can consider making changes to improve this letter. In the second paragraph, does the phrase "I loved doing research.." implies that you used to love doing research but no longer do or do you still love doing research now? In the fourth paragraph, the phrase "tend to" in this sentence "What I tend to excel in is my ability to be outspoken." is unnecessary. Also, the phrase "As many would have noticed" could be rewritten to "As an example" to sound less pretentious and boastful. In the seventh paragraph, the phrase "regardless by written or spoken communication.." can be rewritten to "regardless if it is by written or spoken communication". Also, you have to put a comma before the phrase "and to improve..." as you are starting on a new point.
Overall, your command of the English language is good, however the tone of it could be more down-to-earth.
Best regards,
Muhd Sharifuddin
CVE1281 Group 5
Dear Muhd Sharifuddin,
DeleteThank you for your detailed comment. You have highlighted a tone which I did not realise I was portraying when writing this blog post. Tone is an area which I could improve on in my future writings.
I appreciate the comments and will work on it in the future.
Regards,
Muhammad Syahmi
ReplyDeleteDear Syahmi,
Thanks very much for this fine letter of intro. It's clear, concise and yet fairly robust in the information you provide. I'm especially impressed in the detail you give as you explain your research and study background and as you discuss your comm skills weakness and strength. It's interesting too that what you have pinpointed as a strength is a behaviour that you have demonstrated in class.
Your goals are certainly areas that we will address in the module. I look forward to your self aseessment at the end of the term to see if we have reached those for you.
In terms of language use, there are a few items to take note of:
1. words, phrasing
-- Instead, I knew I had to join a career that I could contribute directly to an industry.
> (wrong word)
Instead, I knew I had to join a career in which I could contribute directly to an industry.
2. sentence structure
-- When deciding on this new career path, it daunted on me that I had studied several applications of materials in the area of buildings and bridges. > (Who was deciding on a new career path?)
These are minor issues. I look forward to working with you further so you might achieve your goals.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for pointing out my mistakes. After reading through my letter again, I noticed those mistakes and I will improve on those mistakes in the future. I appreciate the compliments as well and I hope I can improve in my writings in the future.
Regards,
Muhammad Syahmi
You're welcome, Syahmi. Thanks for the effort.
ReplyDelete